Percussive Maintenance

When your door creaks upon its hinge
when your magic box is on the fritz
when your engine begins to choke and spit
when your square pegs refuse to fit
slap that recalcitrant sonofabitch
whack that reluctant piece of shit
you’re just performing
percussive maintenance.

Technicians and eldritch magicians
clutching their textbook superstitions
full of protocol and official positions
but they all concede to ancient wisdom
smack that flickering screen
let the copier hear you scream
you’re just performing
percussive maintenance.

When your documents are lost forever
when your waffles get stuck together
when your router finally goes to heaven
when your smart phone gets too clever
tap it rap it clap it snap it crack it
shake it a bit and maybe break it a bit
you’re just performing
percussive maintenance.

5 thoughts on “Percussive Maintenance

  1. I’ve performed this many many times on my old computer when it had dial up. I used to smack that thing so hard ! I was amazed when it didn’t break. Oh dial up… That was rough haha. This is a great post . I love the satire about it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A true technician knows exactly how and where to strike their appliance to achieve compliance… shit, that should have been a line! And I too remember the dial up days, when everything would drop out as soon as someone picked up the phone… Glad you liked it, much appreciated!


  2. The number of times I faced that knowing look from someone…

    someone who guessed the truth, knowing the passion that would spill out when the spirit of the words overwhelmed the keys I was typing them on:

    “You broke it, didn’t you?”


    Liked by 1 person

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